The Prince and Princess
by SpellboundWinter
Summary: My dream is to meet my prince charming. He would ride through a beautiful meadow of flowers on his pure white horse and he'd gallop right up to me, uttering a small, "Sup" before taking my hand and yanking me behind him. But who exactly is on that horse? Kenny or Lizzy? I don't ride into the sunset with just anyone. Slight Kammy and Tizzy. Femslash. One-shot.


**I looooove these two pairings! Lizzy and Kenny are pretty cool.**

**But anyways, I'm sure Lizzy would totally be a prince then some lame princess.**

* * *

It's every girls dream, big or small, to be swept off her feet.

My dream is to meet my prince charming. He would ride through a beautiful meadow of flowers on his pure white horse. He'd gallop right up to me, uttering a small, "Sup" before taking my hand and yanking me behind him. Then, we'd ride off into the sunset.

_Happily ever after_.

Wouldn't that be a dream come true? It sounds so romantic! Oh, I would just die.

Unfortunately, after I turned twenty-three it dawned on me that fairy tales aren't real. There are no prince charmings. And if a guy tells you any different, he's just a snake in the grass ready to strike or he's got a snake in his pants.

Living alone in that small double wide of mine does get lonely. I do have a boyfriend, he isn't quite a prince…

Kenny McCormick is a real life princess and I am a guest in his dungeon.

I was seated on my box spring mattress just watching him admire himself at the clunky vanity. It was one that I found on the side of the road. It smells like piss and probably had heroin seeped into the grain of the faux wood.

Kenny swept his hair up, centering the wig on his head delicately. "I told you I'm going out with the guy's tonight." he uttered in that _voice_. It completely contrasted from his look at the moment.

He started smoking back when he was twelve. His tone was never really the same. And if that wasn't enough, his voice changed through puberty. He had such a high pitched voice there for a while… I kinda miss it.

"Like hell you did! You said that we we're going to have a romantic evening."

It was true. The fucker called me up and said, 'hey babe get dressed. We're going out to a fancy dinner.' There was no dinner. He came dressed in his drag and sat down at my vanity, peering at the makeup I had lying out.

"But I got a call about the Stick of Truth dude, I gotta go." Kenny plucked up a lipstick container with gloved fingers. His eyebrow quirked. "Would Rouge or Brick Red look the best on me?"

I had the stinking suspicion that he was using me for my makeup.

"I thought you were going to have an actual date with me!" I shouted, punching the mattress under me. I was just wishing the mattress was his jaw. "You never spend any time with me. You're always working or hanging out with your _friends_."

I was ready to wring his neck. Kenny, however, couldn't have been bothered. "I'm going to use Rouge. I wanna look seductive for the final battle against sir Douchebag. Spoiler: I'm going to betray them all… Like any real woman would."

"Kenny!" I practically shrieked, it hurt my own ears to get that loud.

"What the fuck do you want?!" he hollered back, rolling the lipstick up through the tube. Kenny plastered the red wax around his thin lips, his brows still furrowed.

I heaved a loud sigh, there wasn't any point in starting another argument. I didn't want fight anymore. "Nothing." I rummaged through my shorts pocket, finding my phone.

I flipped it up, holding the illuminated screen up to my face. A few little taps later and I'm sure that my hero would rescue me from this retched prison and save me from this… _princess_.

But, when I shut the little flip phone I noticed Kenny's eyes locked onto mine through the reflection of the mirror, his narrowed eyes and the slightly scrunched lips… I could only assume he was angry.

"I'm the bad guy… Again. Right, just call that dyke over here so you can cuddle up to her like you always do when you don't get your way." He grunted out, plastering the lipstick on even more aggressively than before.

"Liz happens to be a great friend." I sat back, my nose in the air and my arms crossed.

"Don't make her out to be some sort of hero. I'm a hell of a good boyfriend. I help you pay for this place, I take you out." A smug look crossed his handsome features. "Tam-cat, we've been dating for two months and I've been faithful. I give you anything and everything you can possibly plea for."

He continued to glob on the lipstick like a hooker preparing for nickel night. It was the expensive kind of lipstick too. The kind that's at the mall and outrageously overpriced.

I bet he was fantasizing about Sir Douchebag's dick being used like that goddamn lipstick. That's all I hear about anymore is his larping adventures and the valiant Sir Douche.

"Yeah, but what have you done to keep me happy? The past two week's you've been cavorting around town with your friends. I've been all alone here." I swallowed roughly, my eyes trailing back to his reflection. "I miss ya Ken."

"Yeah." Was all he said, stumbling up from the vanity and wandering off to the front door. I noticed the lipstick lying still opened and completely smashed. I bet he did it out of spite.

I followed after as he was already out the front door and in the bright sunshine. With tears stinging my eyes, I spoke softly. "If you love me Ken, you won't go."

"It's just for today," The princess bestowed a tiny kiss on my lips. "I'll see you tomorrow, Tam-cat." And with that, he turned from me, walking down the steps and sliding into his bronco.

I watched him disappear in disbelief.

He wasn't coming back.

There were no regrets.

There were no fancy dinners or romantic evenings.

Empty, yeah, that's what I felt.

I grabbed my cheap trailer door, letting my arm whip back and I prepared myself. I imagined Ken was still there with his hand half way in the door and I slammed it so strongly, it made the whole doublewide go into a vibrating mess. With that violent outburst out, I started to sob like a child and retreated onto the couch to weep.

…A few moments later, I could hear a rumble of yet another bronco and loud steps up to my trailer. The girl in the pink parka kicked open my door, lugging a six-pack in hand. I swear that door goes through more abuse.

"Have no fear, your sweetie-baby in pink is here. Oh, and I brought some beer too." Lizzy, my hero of sorts.

She was dazzling and almost identical to Ken.

From her deep-ish voice, her height and heck, even her weight; they were the same. Except her choppy cut hair that was a shade lighter than his under her parka. But, I guess nobody ever could tell. She never took it off unless she was in the throes of passion. Sometimes, I hear she even wears it in the shower.

But that's just things that I hear anyways.

I peeked my head up from the couch. I hope my makeup wasn't smudged. I took a quick peek at the arm of the chair. I could see a large stain of foundation on the arm of the chair. Great.

Lizzy strolled up right in front of me, her eyes narrowing before snorting. "Jesus Christ, you look like you got caught in the middle of a surprise bukkake and this is the messy aftermath." And if you didn't know by now, Lizzy's humor was crude, rude and filthy.

"Kenny… he-" I started to snivel again, wiping at my face.

"This is about Kenny, huh? Figures. That kid causes more heartbreak," Lizzy trailed off, moseying into the kitchen, presumably to stick the beer in my icebox. "Doughnut puncher."

_Slam_. I could hear a few steps back into the living room. "I-"

"Kenny," She cut me off again. A pop of a top and a few guzzles later, she spat. "He's a loser. What do you see in him? Is it because he's splitting image of this of piece of ass right here?" Lizzy graciously gestured to herself, beer in hand. "I know, take it all in baby. I'm a dime."

"Well-" I began and her voice overpowered mine once again.

"I don't know how you can be so naïve to date such a rump ranger like that. You must be in love with this guy. Isn't that why you called me over?" she plopped beside me. "It's always about Kenny and how he's treating you. And how he's blowing you off to smoke pot with Craig or-"

I wistfully covered her mouth with my palm. "He's always hanging out with his friends and using me for whatever he wants. Like, today he used me for makeup and told me we would have a romantic dinner…"

Something between my index finger and middle started to wiggle. A pink flat tongue busted through, suggestively flicking towards me. Oh, ew. I removed my hand from Lizzy's mouth, rubbing the saliva on my shorts. "Jesus Christ, be serious dude."

Lizzy tugged on my shirt, giving me an incredulous look. "This is what you call dressed up?"

"I've been crying."

The doppelganger's lips turned up into a sly smile, as if challenging me. "Who goes to a fancy dinner like this? Half of your ass hangs out of those shorts and that shirt that shows off your tits. Is that what's dressing up is called? I'm not complaining, you look mega hot but not fancy dinner appropriate."

What? 'Mega hot'? I shook off the unsophisticated compliment.

"I guess you're right but Ken-"

One thing about Lizzy that differed greatly from Ken was her fiery temper. I never understood quite why. She was always the first one to get annoyed with my nail filing, Rebecca's constant spelling and Henrietta's prattling about Goth stuff.

"Again with this? Are you deaf?" Lizzy rolled her eyes with a dramatic sigh. "Kenny is Kenny, that's his charm. He must have casted a love spell on you. You're head over heels."

"Love spell?" I sat up rather quickly. Oh God, don't tell me he hexed me via gypsy or something. Or Hoodoo? Or Voodoo? Or maybe Santeria? Jesus Christ, that's all I need.

Lizzy's lips tugged up into a warm smile, licking her thumb and wiping off the traces of running lipstick away. I flushed at the contact. "Yeah, he's always dressing up as Princess Kenny, maybe he flashed you his tits and you've become infatuated?"

I was quiet for a moment, groaning. "Don't tell me you larp too." Great, another one.

"Eh," Lizzy waggled her hand. "Not really, that shit is for fudge packers and Kevin Stoley. Fucking loser."

I grinned, thinking about the endless torture Lizzy endured on the poor kid. "Why do we pick on him so much?" giggling at the thought of the poor nerd in agony.

"Because he's a nerd and a queermo, that's double death. If Craig didn't watch over Tweek like a hawk, I'd make sure his scrawny ass would get more action then what Craig shows him. Fags."

Moments like this are why I adore her, even more so then Kenny. She's bright, colorful and even a little wacky. She's Kenny but… amplified to this extreme level.

"Liz, you're a lesbian. Isn't that contradicting yoursel-" Again, I was cut off.

"My name isn't Liz, it's 'Prince Lizzy'." she motioned to herself snooty-like, with her nose turned up and eyes closed. "Refer to me as such."

"Wait," I scratched at my cheek awkwardly. Was Lizzy confused? "…shouldn't you be a princess?"

"Hell no, Kenny is a princess. I wanna be the sexy ass prince with a bigger cock then him."

"Oh Jesus Christ." An exasperated sigh left my lips at the mention of the supposed prince beside me. Could this get any lamer? And cock? Since when did Liz…? Forget it. I don't even…

Lizzy inched closer, leaning into me with a glint in her eyes. "Well, aren't you the fairest in the land?"

I turned red, scooting away subtly. "Lizzy, oh my god… Stop." I was stopped by an arm that curled around my waist.

What the hell? Was she putting the moves on me?

"Dyed streaks in your hair? I should imprison you for witchcraft but those legs," her free hand squeezed my inner thigh for emphasis, eliciting a tiny gasp from me. "These legs are memorizing."

I held my face in embarrassment, shying away from her touch. "Jesus Christ, stop!"

"I'm not this Jesus Christ that you speak of," her hand crept up my leg, getting dangerously close to... Her fingers rubbed tiny circles into the smooth skin. "That… Buttmunc- Er, princess doesn't deserve such a fair maiden such as you."

"Lizzy…" I hissed dangerously.

The girl removed her hand from my thigh and lifted my hand to her lips, kissing it with chivalry. "Would you accompany to tonight's ball? Go slip on your ruby red heels and let's cavort in nearby honkytonks."

"Dressed as I am? Or do I have to dress more 'appropriate'?" I leaned in closer to the prince, letting my head rest onto her shoulder. "Why are you being so nice today?"

"You're too beautiful to cry, you know that. If you weren't sniveling," she gave that toothy grin of hers that I liked. "I'd be being my normal bitchy self."

I took that to heart, smiling sincerely and letting out a little laugh. "Thank you. I-I don't know how to thank you Liz."

"I can think of something." Lizzy's reached out her fingers, craning my chin up. My brown pools met her blue ones. She gave a nervous smile as she crept closer to my face until her lips were pressing against mine.

This was too nice.

But this was Lizzy.

She's the girl who jumped me, stripped me down and tied me up to my trailer hitch on my eighteenth birthday. Left me naked in the middle of a fucking trailer park.

This was also the girl who also used to stand with me at the bus stop and try to push me into oncoming traffic. And the girl who used to beat my ass and take my stuff. The regular school yard bully.

And somehow we ended up here a few years later. How?

With a small wince and a shiver, her hand roamed up the curves of my back. Then, she broke away from me. I gathered the strength to open my eyes, seeing Lizzy's snarky smirk. "Has Kenny's love spell been broken?"

"I-I think so," the prince's hands roamed back up my shoulder blades, thumbing the hook of my bra and like a typical man, struggling with it. "Are you trying to seduce me prince?"

"I hope its working." She grunted, biting her tongue in concentration.

Oh, if that's how she wanted to play it… I let out a little giggle, wiggling away, deciding to fool around for a moment. "Prince, you're so clumsy."

"Isn't that how fair maiden likes it?"

I slapped her arm. "Oh my god! Stop talking like that!" I screeched back, mostly in embarrassment. 'Fair maiden?' Give me a break.

She got to her feet before haling me up in her arms impressively. I let out another silly laugh, one arm draped around her neck and another hand roaming through her legendary hair. "Let's go hit up a few hick bars." I pecked her again sweetly.

With enough luck she might turn into a frog.

…But, instead of listening to me like a good prince, Lizzy was ambled down the small hall to my bedroom, opening the door with her foot in that same fashion she opened every door, the prince then flung me onto my box spring with a bit of squeak.

I took a naïve glance around me. "We're in my room."

"Oops. Guess this prince has to _consummate_ the friendly courting, doesn't she?" she purred. God, she was just like Kenny in all the right ways. It made my skin erupt in goose bumps.

"That isn't how courting works!"

Lizzy made a mad dash to shuffle out of her pants, her parka flying off in the process. I got to see her fabled hair.

Wait… she only takes off her parka when-

"Shut up and take off your clothes, Tammy." Lizzy said arrogantly. "Face it, you're my girlfriend and Kenny is just some rebound boy."

"My rebound princess?" I said almost mockingly.

Then I realized something, she was right…

Lizzy was my girlfriend.

Liz took me on dates, shared romantic nights, hell, we did everything a couple would do… Even more so then Ken. I even saw her more as a lover than some friend.

I've been stupid.

The prince's hands anchored on either side of me as she slid above me in a fluid movement. "The prince is back to take what's rightfully hers from the evil princess."

"Then take it my dear prince." I mumbled out.

Her lips brushed with mine and we melted into each other. Connecting in that physical way… and in a spiritual and emotional sense too. We became one with each other in a way that Ken could never provide. I felt whole again.

I felt happy.

…All and all, it was a fancy way to say we had a little _too_ much fun. At least I tried to be poetic.

We never made it to those bars either.

So, when the princess arrived back to the small prison after a swift defeat by Sir Douchebag, he had noticed clothes that were pooled onto the floor and the pheasant girl resting peacefully in the prince's arms.

Then the princess darted right onto the prince and the two went tumbling in a fist fight.

Looks like I did get my prince charming and princess too. She swept me right off my feet. I know I wouldn't have a storybook, 'happily ever after' ending with an actual prince but this was as close I was going to get.

The now ex-boyfriend princess was promptly kicked out of the prison and the not-so victorious prince grinned up at me, triumphant, wiping a bit of blood from her bleeding lip. "I love ya Tam."

I found myself shaking in excitement. Something wonderful had happened.

"I love you too, Liz."

I had found my true prince charming.

…And, well, heck! I'm going to say it anyways!

_Everyone lived happily ever after._


End file.
